Momfilter is a great blog with lots of useful stuff; including interviews of designers, bloggers, travelers (to name just a few) who are all moms. The creator, Yolanda, also works at Martha Stewart Living so she knows what it takes to build a great online space. I love the way this blog is laid out, and the content is so useful and fun. Yolanda, thanks for having us!
Happy Monday!
Tonight we are back. Back from a day in the coffee hills. We were attempting to work on farmer stories. Trying to capture moments that will help the world see what life is like for the coffee farmers here. It didn’t really pan out. At all. It was one of those days that starts me thinking about things.
You might wonder, “Is that all it takes? Just one crappy day and you write off life there?” And I would say,
My boys fought and yelled nearly the whole way up the hill and part of the way down. We are talking about HOURS of yelling and high pitched screeching while we traversed difficult terrain. Dodging people and goats and big trucks. Once we arrived and had the sweet relief of exiting the car, we found ourselves in the definition of “poorest nation on earth.”
It was just “us” and one friend… that POOR FRIEND. No translator. No nanny. The kids tore apart my camera bag. Ben took notes on the farmers and I tried to capture moments and make connections while my boys destroyed things in the background. We got home all hot and tired and feeling ill.
I think every person who starts out with a vision to accomplish something “good” feels that way at some point (or maybe I just hope they do). The un-good of “happenings” along the way have the power of un-doing that fire-ball of HOPE FOR GOOD in me. It’s the hardship of follow through, the persistence of living among the destitute, the alone-ness of isolation from our culture.
Here comes the AGE OLD quote, “Why are you complaining when there are people out there with NOTHING?” That’s true. There are. I saw them today. I see them EVERY DAY. You can go ahead and tell your kids to eat those vegetables, because there REALLY ARE children starving in Africa.
Not just because I feel guilty about their absolute NOTHING and my glaring wealth in the face of it, but because it’s actually true… I have to say that I am still grateful for today. Grateful for the lessons I am learning about myself. Grateful for the images I had the privilege of capturing. Grateful for my family… even when they are cheeky buggers.
So, I choose them. I’m recognizing, right this moment, that their legs are getting longer and their tummies don’t stick out like they used to. Yes, I have other dreams, but THEY were my first dream, and even if they weren’t… they are my best one. They win. When pitted or pushed against any other thing that I love and work for, they will always win.
Does this mean I will give up every dream I have ever had that does not include them? No. It means that every dream’s importance and timing is fiercely weighed against the well protected dream of guiding the lives of two ridiculously good looking young men.
I HAVE TO work and create and dream, because it brings words like PURPOSE and MEANING barreling right out of the clouds and into my lap. I want my boys to SEE first hand what it looks like when people follow their dreams, but I also want to be there enough that they can see it.
images Hasselblad 501 C, Kodak 400TX
You just spent a year in a French speaking school… and your home language is English. Do you understand how amazing that is? I swore that I would never be THAT MOM that uses her kid as a walking Google Translate, but I am. Because, well… you know more French than me now and you sound so much better speaking it. Also, I make any excuse I can to hear you speak… it gives life to my soul every time. I am proud of you. We have been here exactly one year… and you know what? The thing I most admire about our journey as a family is YOU.
There have been many moments when I didn’t think we could do it, or I second guessed our decision… usually moments when you were screaming at me or stomping off in the opposite direction madder than a hornet. There was a fine line between the guilt I felt at “dumping you” off into another language and culture and the total resolution I had that we were GIVING YOU A GIFT. The language gift. Now, I can finally see the gift beginning to emerge. You speak almost as easily in one language as the other… I wish that were true of myself. We gave you no choice but to learn, while giving ourselves a much easier road. While we are taking classes (and I find them gob-smackingly hard) YOU have had an emersion of the kind no one in this family has known. Your absolute bravery throughout it astounds me. The headmaster of your school mentioned it, too. As she handed you your diploma, she paused and said (my rough translation)…
You are like a knight. A champion. At the beginning of the year you couldn’t speak a word of French, but now you can defend yourself like a champion.
To your average American parent that might sound like we have raised one big bully, but I tell you what… I was GUSHING with pride that day. And my boy, we still are.
Love,
mom
Hasselblad 501 C, Canon EOS-3, Portra 400, Fuji 400.
