Today I am thinking about this place. I am a firm believer that there are places on this earth that make “us” more “us.” Like a good friend, these places connect with our souls… in these places we feel like it’s not that difficult to be the people we were MADE to be. South Africa is one of those places for me. It is the “home” my heart dreams about. I spent a decade of my life there. It’s where I became a mother. A photographer. A dreamer. An artist. A believer in so many good things. A true friend to some of the best people on the planet.
It happened there, and I feel like the best possible version of myself when I set foot on South African soil. Amen, right? Amen!
We just spent two weeks in our favorite (or, as South Africans would spell it, favourite) South Africa. Being there was like returning home… except to a home that isn’t fully ours anymore. Right now, this little family is working up the courage to keep making our NEW LAND home. That’s tough, especially when SOME OF US (insert: me, The Doubter) are waffling on the “is it all worth it” fence. A bad fence to be on, I know. This journey has brought us and others GOOD THINGS, but it’s hard to keep the VIGIL and remind myself of that especially when
we just stared the place we love in the face for two weeks, and walked away again.
While we were there…
Late at night I think about it,
here in this place I love…
this South Africa of mine.
Everywhere there are bits of us.
Every friend has mementos
of the life we lived…
Scattered across Dear Hearts’ homes.
We gave it up.
All of it.
let it all go.
It’s just stuff, right?
Do I want my old life back?
Yes, a little.
I sleep in their pretty houses.
I remember mine.
I envy a bit. I wish.
I see the BEAUTIFUL SOULS.
I remember what it’s like to
have them as FAMILY.
“I don’t know how you do it.”
(except, I think to self, I do know…)
“When will you come back?”
“I don’t know, but I KNOW WE WILL.”
(and heart weeps inside while mouth talks)
Truth is, South Africa is my land…
it’s my HEART’S property.
I race up against it when I shut my eyes to dream.
I know it better than my Passport Place,
And it bothers me more than just a little…
to only be a guest in it.
(but we are all just guests in the end, right?)