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I think really well in the shower. I’m going to start taking a marker and some sort of waterproof surface to write on INTO the shower with me. Just so that I can remember what my thoughts were. Because as soon as my feet hit the non-magical regular floor, I seem to forget it all. I’ve stopped and started this blog post (in the shower) about a hundred times. Yes, we shower a lot here… it’s the only way to stay stink free. I’m not in the shower now, BUT…
I’ve been wanting to write about the day all the facebook “likes” on this blog disappeared. On that day, I felt like I instantly lost all my internet-y status along with the support of anyone who ever clicked that button. You see, when that button gets clicked I know I don’t stand alone. I know people HEAR me, that they understand, that they value my voice. Everybody likes to feel valued, right? Right, but I also realized on that “dark facebook like button” day that I cared just a little too much about how much you like me. Should it matter? I’m not sure. Probably not since (although I want to) I haven’t met many of you, except Grandma (Hi Grandma!) and Aunt Mary (Hi Mary!)… but if I’m being honest, it does matter to me.
I guess I’m asking a question here. Is valuing your support dangerous? It might be. It might be that it sweeps me up into the arms of a would-be life that I don’t actually have, and tempts me to ignore the beauty and challenge of the life right in front of me. Namely, adventuring with my two beautiful boys. I feel sure that there will soon be some news report about a mother being sued because she was instagramming or tweeting or facebooking while her son was jumping off the roof, convinced he was Superman.
We all want to feel valued, successful and like people “LIKE” us. But how much is too much? On the one hand, I am trying to build something here. This is not just a blog for me, it’s a way of life. It’s a business (that makes no money *ahem*) with a long shot hope of helping coffee farmers. BUT LET’S BE HONEST HERE… it’s also very personal. This is the place where I tell you “how it all went down.” The struggles I face with life in the-middle-of-nowhere-Africa. So here’s the deal, I care. I care whether you like me or not, but I’m working on not caring so much.
It’s as if even though we’ve graduated from high school, we’re still stuck in the popularity system. Now it’s the social media system of popularity, of “likes” and “follows” and “recommends.” Here’s the deal, it comes down to the SAME THING it came down to in the real version of high school. Know your value before you enter the building. When I remember that I am beloved by many and that I was valued WAY BEFORE I EVER ACCOMPLISHED A THING by an AMAZING GOD the world magically turns right side up again. I am no longer in social media high school, or any high school. I think it also takes setting some boundaries. Family time with no phone or computer nearby, social media free weekends, no email after hours, etc. We are still setting ours, but those are a few of the boundaries we are excited about placing into our family structure. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking a smart phone is to mommy as a nose is to a face. I don’t want that. At all.
So here’s me, trying to make a bust out of social media high school.
Love,
me
by longmilescoffee
Debbie - A word timely spoken! It is good to be reminded about what is really important in life.
vashti - just FYI……… I don’t “LIKE” you I LOVE you. xxxxxx
Bezalel - “I was valued WAY BEFORE I EVER ACCOMPLISHED A THING by an AMAZING GOD”
That statement is beautiful. Thanks for sharing
Dawn Fong - Amen, sister. It is incredibly hard for me when I blog not to be checking the site stats about 20 times/day or to celebrate when a particular post gets read a ton or be a bit down when another particular post does not get read (sigh).
It made me second-guess what I should write, b/c what would ‘they’ want me to write? SO … yes! Bust out! Keep being real in your writing and ENJOY it. Thx for sharing … and for having this blog. I am blessed and challenged by it.
Krystal - i needed this. thank you. I am sharing.
longmilescoffee - Thanks so much for these amazing thoughts!
Dani - Its like you read my mind here. I get too wrapped up in comments and likes too and need to set boundaries for social media too. I do a lot better since going back to work, when I get home my kids get me 100% when I was home with them it was so easy to sit on the Internet. Thanks for this honest post!
sarah - This post resonated with me so much, as I’ve been having all these feelings ever since I started blogging. The analogy of high school is right on – since entering my 30′s, I finally had felt so confident about who I am and thought I had worked out all my affirmation issues, but they have come back as I’ve taken part in social media outlets. It’s been rather hard [and annoying] to work all this stuff out again.
I re-read an essay by CS Lewis called ‘The Inner Ring’, and I highly recommend it if you can get your hands on it. It’s included in his book ‘The Weight of Glory’. It was very helpful and addresses a lot of these topics.
[oh! here's a link to the article]: http://www.lewissociety.org/innerring.php
Love to you Kristy.
Aunt Mary - Hi back at ya! Thanks for this post. I think we all need to feel validated, whether we are a professional, a farm wife, a mother, or a blogger, etc…
I don’t think we are needing an affirmation after everything we do, but to know that what we do, whatever it is in life, is important.
Oh, and I also “liked” this.
Love you and yours.
Tanya Just - As a “pastor’s wife”, and a part of building a church for the past 8 years, I can so relate to this post. I have to remind myself on a consistent basis that it is not about the numbers, who comes, who leaves, or what people think….my identity needs to be solely wrapped up in the fact that I am His child. No more, no less. Nevertheless, I “liked” your post, because I think others can benefit from it. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging mine today.
Danae - There’s a song by Sara Groves that I like to listen to when I start getting stuck in the social media mud. It’s called ‘Obsolete.’